As a continuation of my little self-love bloggy blog, I would like to continue on to telling you how powerful it can be in terms of finding someone and loving them (better).
Self love allows you to get to know and accept yourself. Acceptance is freedom and knowing yourself is the first step in getting to know someone else. Think about it, if you don’t know what you want or what’s important to you, it’s hard to get to know anyone because you won’t be truly yourself in the process. People are like magnets. If you are clueless about yourself, people will be less likely to have enough confidence in you to open up about themselves. Likewise, practicing self-love is extremely magnetic. Have you ever seen someone’s eyes light up when they talk about what matters to them? Ladies, how sexy is it to watch your man do what he loves. Loving yourself is the most powerful force of attraction you have.
Let me just insert a little side-note that I’m not talking about going out on a Saturday night, making terrible decisions and then not giving a crap because you “love yourself.” I’m not talking about self absorption or obsession. What I am talking about is healthy love: You care about yourself; You respect yourself; You make good choices. If you want something in your life to change, you change it. You avoid one-night-stands and lowering yourself to accepting sub-par treatment just because he/she gives you attention. You’re worth more than that, Babe.
Now that that’s settled…
If you don’t love and accept you first, you could ruin any relationship you get into. Worse case scenario: you mold yourself to exactly what the other person is/wants instead of what you are/want. Yikes! and I’m not talking about what color tile goes in the master bath, I’m talking about major life decisions and hobbies. Example: at one point I really wanted to be attracted to someone who worked out every single day and never ate carbs because I thought it would make me stronger…. but that just ain’t me, babe. Can you imagine how terrible my life would have been? No Kraft Macaroni EVER? No thanks. I’ll take my 4 days a week gyming and cheat meals.
Self love is extremely attractive to virtually everyone. If you let people walk all over you, this isn’t self love and, deep down, it’s unattractive to your partner weather they tell you so or not. There’s a fine line between being sweet and allowing people to take advantage of you. Besides, going above and beyond for someone constantly isn’t always a sign of real love.
Love is much deeper than making sure your partner is happy constantly if it means your needs aren’t met in the process. Love should be nourishing, refreshing, and uplifting for BOTH of you. People say love is blind but it just isn’t. Love sees all and never fails; it is purposely speaking your partners love language above your own. Love is a choice. Making sure your partner is happy all the time despite what it means for you is THE ENTIRE REASON they don’t love you like you need it. You aren’t setting standards, you aren’t voicing your needs; you are making loving you impossible.
I see this all too often around me, in men and women. Some of the many people I know are afraid to make their partner uncomfortable for even a minute, so they let themselves suffer instead. STOP IT. Stop it right now.
If this is you, I want to make something extremely clear:
- The happiest couples are not perfect. The happiest couples are happy because they are both fully themselves around each other. Each of them is confident in who they are and their partner helps with this. They respect and love the real parts of each other. They are not afraid to be honest with each other.
- It is not mean to let someone know what you need and what matters to you. If they don’t agree or can not give it to you- say goodbye. I promise you there is someone that wants to. Never forget: LOVE IS A CHOICE, not a feeling.
- It is unattractive to let others walk on you, especially for the person you let do it to you.
- But will they continue to walk on you because you let them?
- Hell yes, but if you want a happier marriage/relationship, you need to love you more and stand up for yourself when it’s necessary. If you do this: you will be happier, you will have hotter sex, you will love them more, you will feel more confident, you will make them rise to the standards of loving you right, you will, in turn, be able to show them more love than ever before, etc.
Okay now listen close! If you’re somewhere in the middle of finding love for yourself and you’re struggling to meet someone or fix your marriage, stop focusing on finding someone and fixing your marriage right now. Simply focus on self love. Everything that follows will be positive if you simply focus on healthy, self love and self love alone. I promise you, your happiness with yourself will overflow into your relationships. You will feel positive and free! If you don’t have someone, you will begin attracting all the right people into your life and I promise, you will find your person. If you have a partner, as long as he or she is the right one for you- they will be attracted to you just for you being you.
Don’t worry, the law of attraction is not a complicated principle! It’s easy. Start now.