I must admit, love is one of my favorite topics to discuss. I experienced a lot before I found my future husband at 27 years old. At one point, I was reading book after book about love. In my quest to understand love, I learned mounds of information I believe is important to share. We will start with finding the love you deserve.
Let’s perform an exercise. I want you to do something that makes you feel like yourself. For me, I love making my favorite coffee, opening all the windows in the house on a beautiful Saturday or Sunday morning and reading cookbooks. Baking is a hobby of mine, so it always makes me feel fresh to explore new recipes I might try the following weekend. Maybe you enjoy climbing into your Eno on the porch with a good book, whatever it is, do something that makes you feel like the happiest version of yourself.
Your heart should feel full and satisfied. You should feel as though, wherever you are or whatever you’re doing, this exact feeling is your favorite of all. This is the love you deserve. We will call these moments of feeling like your happiest self, your “perfect moment.” .
Are you surprised? I was when I finally discovered it. I spent so much time looking for that “perfect guy” that would match my “husband list” exactly, I forgot to love myself first. The love you give yourself is the most important clue in finding love in another. Have you ever been happy to get away from someone so you could go back to your perfect moment feeling? But you’re conflicted because this person you’re dating has many excellent, rare qualities. In fact, they probably fit the bill for who you should end up with…but something just feels like it’s missing. Do you know the rarest quality of all that any person you give your heart to should have? They should make you feel like your perfect moment more times than not. You deserve to feel that amazing feeling you create for yourself almost all the time with someone else.
Now, will there be disagreements and fights? Absolutely. Nothing is perfect. Will there be humdrum days that seem pretty boring, of course! Will he or she get on your every last nerve at times, you better believe it! The important thing to remember is, this person will give you all the happy feels you felt like only you could give yourself. This is the rarest quality of all. If you’re lucky, this person will give you more than you ever thought possible.
I love to bake, Tad loves to build. Tad will say: “PLEASE bake me something (Pecan pie)!” He bought me a Kitchen Aid mixer and fully supports my creativity and excitement towards the things I love. Even if we don’t share the exact same happy feels towards the same things, we still love and support each other’s perfect moments with ease. Before Tad, I always thought I would just find someone that loves doing all the same things I do. What I never expected was to find someone that absolutely loves my perfect moments, even if he doesn’t always join me.
Let me mention, I do think it’s important to share moments and interests, of course, but recognizing what true love feels like within your own heart is more important than anything. If you have a messed up view of what love feels like, you must change it. Read about it, go to counseling, phone a friend, go to church and learn about God’s perfect love…anything. Real love isn’t messed up. Past experiences may have negatively altered your views which will never allow you to find what your heart truly desires. Have you ever heard that kids from divorced families are likely to repeat the cycle when they get married? Why do you think this is true? Perhaps their negative feelings lead them to the wrong partners. Perhaps they never truly understand what love really is. Kids from happy families are lucky to see what love looks like as they grow up, giving them a strong foundation for their own marriages.
Loving yourself is a journey. So is changing your negative views about love if your life experiences call for it. A hint you need to embark on the journey to changing your views is to examine how you feel about yourself.
- Do you make it a priority to have perfect moments of happiness doing the things you love?
- Do you feel comfortable doing those things with your current partner?
- When you’re with him or her, do you feel confident about who you are?
- Are you making good, healthy choices for yourself and your future?
- Do you have enough love for yourself so you’re able to give love to others also?
All of this a complex process for most of us. It’s difficult to give love if we don’t love ourselves first. It’s difficult to love ourselves if we aren’t confident about who we are and building confidence can take years. For example, when I was 27 and decided to return to college, I became fully aware of what I wanted out of life. I became fully aware of how smart I was & bright my future could be. I knew I wanted horses, a farm, my dream farm house & barn, to live in the beautiful country and to travel. I just knew! I fell in love with me and my life. I didn’t need to be reassured of my choices. I felt so powerful and so ME that I attracted people without trying to. And I let people go out of my life that didn’t align with my purpose without a struggle. More importantly, I was suddenly able to show love & be nicer to everyone I met because I had so much of it in my heart for myself!
If you read my past blog, you know that when I met Tad for the first time, I said it felt like I was being reunited with an old friend even though we were complete strangers. I felt this way because I knew what love felt like through self love and I knew what I needed and so I was able to recognize those things in Tad, making me feel like I had known him my whole life. You’ve heard people say that too right? “It’s like we’ve known each other our whole lives.” ….It’s all making sense now!
I had to change my views and it took me a while. It took learning lessons in all the wrong relationships, listing to people that already knew what love feels like and reading countless books. All of these things I did had one thing in common: self-growth. Through all my searching to understand love, I never found it in anyone else, I found it within myself which was the greatest thing I could ever learn. Finding my true love for myself taught me how to love others, ultimately setting the stage for meeting the man I would marry.
Let’s go back to your perfect moment. If you don’t know what your perfect moment feels like, you need to explore. What’s something positive you love doing? Do it! Let yourself feel all the feels of love for yourself in this moment. Chances are, if you love doing something, you’re good at it! If you don’t think you are, learn more about it! Embrace what is feels like to love doing the things you’re passionate about. Allow these moments to strengthen your heart and enrich your soul.
Write down how you feel in your perfect moments. Refer to it often. Gain insight, confidence, and strength so that you can give love more than you expect to receive and I promise amazing things are headed your way.
It all starts with you. Enjoy some Pinterest quotes: